A letter to my 20 year-old self…
You are a highly sensitive introvert. You are deeply impacted by the energy of others and you get your energy from nature and spending time within. That you would rather stay in and be cozy is more than okay and you are not “lame, a granny, a party-pooper or a wet blanket, and realistically, you won’t miss out on much because no one ever remembers what happened the night before anyways. But you will continue to follow suit until you fully realize this notion.
Those moments of panic and impending doom, where you feel that everyone can see inside your soul and you need to remove your shaky, sweating, heart-racing, thought-flooding, self from the class before you pass out or throw up or die is called Anxiety. You will get to know it well over the next decade and eventually, you will help others who have also gotten to know it well.
Never forget how important nature is for your soul. Listen to the forest and sea when they beckon you and find the people who also keep the trees and waves as company.
Traveling will be the best decision you ever make for yourself and it’s totally okay that you don’t rush to get married, buy a home, find a career or own your own car, even if it feels like everyone around you is doing these things. You will feel like a falling-behind outcast at times but the experiences that are coming your way will far outweigh those fleeting feelings.
Do not fall prey to your conditioned conception of conventional love. Be open. Embrace your curiosities. And, love the souls that cross your path, as opposed to the bodies. You will hurt and be hurt and learn a whole lot of lessons from the few people you choose to love and trust along the way.
Do not over-tweeze your eyebrows.. That sh*t doesn’t grow back and one day, bushy brows will be in and you will be bound to a tedious daily penciling regime.
Popcorn and Diet Coke is not a proper way to nourish your body. Neither are smoking, popping Ritalin or drinking to the point of blackout.
Understand your privilege. Like, really friggin’ understand it and find a way to use it to do good in the world.
You’re gonna be okay. Actually, more than okay. You’re gonna look back at the people you wished you could be like or look like and wonder how or why you never saw your own inner beauty and potential. And, once you do recognize it, it will become palpable and that energy will radiate outwards and attract all sorts of awesomeness onto your path that you never could’ve imagined.
Your friend group will get smaller as your desire for deep connections and authenticity grows larger and becomes non-negotiable. This is neither about them nor about you. Rather, it’s a natural life transition. You will draw in the kind of relationships based upon your level of healing and awareness. People come and go, and that is okay.
Learn to let go and surrender to and trust the process. You won’t always see the bigger picture but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one.
Life is going to be both messy and glorious and you will learn to embrace both parts and allow them to exist simultaneously.
Every year of evolution and growth, as you acquire new wisdom and insight, you will think that you know but you will never actually know. Learning is the journey and the only thing you will ever know is that you don’t know.
Finally, go lightly child. Have fun. Be light. Spread love and don’t take yourself too seriously.
Your older and consciously evolving self,